100 Ways Dr Keller Died
by reiko-afterglow
Summary: 100 ways Dr. Keller could meet a grisly, gruesome, perhaps even entertaining or ironic end. Be forewarned that you should stay away if you immensely adore this character. Rated for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

There has been no character I have ever despised more than Doctor Keller. I would go into the details, but I'll spare you a lengthy commentary. This is pretty much what the title says: 100 Ways Dr. Keller Died. I've never written fanfiction before, so I decided to go for something somewhat easy.

Be forewarned there _is _character death contained within, if you haven't already guessed. If you immensely enjoy the Keller character, I suggest you not read these. If you feel the same apathy/distaste for her that I do ... Read on!

x Reiko

* * *

"Unscheduled offworld activation!"

Chuck announced the unexpected incoming wormhole from his usual seat in Atlantis' eloquent control room. As the opaque shield was raised over the rippling, blue puddle, the gate technician received an IDC - Colonel Sheppard's, and more than a few hours unanticipated. Several Marines, guns ready, had already began to crouch in strategic positions around the gate room before Sheppard could explain the situation through his radio. Dialing in this prematurely - _especially_ in the case of Sheppard's team - could _never_ be a good sign.

"This is Sheppard, we're coming in hot!" John's voice boomed over the radio as Chuck lowered the shield. Momentarily after, Rodney McKay emerged through the gate, followed by John and a surge of gunfire. A rather tremendous explosion shook the gate room, damaging the elegant staircase and throwing more than a few marines and scientists off their feet. Eager to disconnect, Chuck sighed with relief as Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagan dashed through the blue horizon into safety. Not wanting for anyone to get hurt by the incoming fire, he reached out and swiftly tapped the button to raise the shield.

As his fingers began to take it's bearing off the button, a shout made him jolt his head up. "_Do not_ raise the shield! Doctor Keller is still coming through!" an urgent Teyla alerted him. But as the gate deactivated, everyone in the gate room knew the damage was already gone. Feeling accountable, Chuck held his head in shame; he had done it for everybody's safety, and Teyla had warned him after he pressed the button, but reassuring himself was no use.

John, Teyla, Rodney, and Ronon stared at where the active wormhole had just been in astonishment. Rodney's mouth gaped open in shock; Sheppard couldn't believe what just happened. Teyla stared in bewilderment, while Ronon looked on, hiding his remorse with cold eyes.

None of the team had known the doctor for very long. Teyla found her to be rather bothersome, but she felt a great loss at this unfortunate incident. Being a blonde, Rodney had admittedly developed a small crush on the doctor. Ronon had never really had a conversation with her, but she held a slight resemblance to his dead wife, a notion he was either disturbed or intrigued by. John had only had a few small conversations with her; this was her first time off-world, a late addition to this mission's team, which was only intended to be a friendly check-up with some locals.

Whether or not she was their friend, the team felt some level of accountability of what had happened. If Sheppard had notified Chuck of the last-minute addition. If Teyla had called out to Chuck earlier. If Ronon had hustled her along faster.

One thing was certain; Doctor Keller was never to be seen again, lost in the depths of space and time.


	2. Chapter 2

The second entry in the "100 Ways" challenge is here at last. This inspiring story was written by **Pajus. **Enjoy

x Rei

* * *

**Proclamation: Now you're gonna get it, Meatbag!  
**by Pajus

The sudden death of Colonel Carter brought fear into the hearts of all IOA members - save one. None of them knew how exactly he managed to do it, but it was clear to them that General Arkadij Semyonovich Golikov was responsible for her death. In the two previous years, several of his opponents disappeared, died from suspicious accidents, or committed suicide under mysterious circumstances. It was never proved that Golikov had anything to do with these cases, but everyone could see his career getting a significant boost after his opponent of the time was removed.

Golikov was the one who opposed Carter's posting in Atlantis the most. "It would place the last key Stargate-related military asset into the hands of the US Air Force!" he warned his colleagues. Their failure to listen finally convinced him that the time for politics and compromises was over. Golikov decided that a drastic show of force was necessary to prove his point.

His friendship with General O'Neill had paid off during his preparations. Golikov convinced O'Neill that Carter had found another man in Atlantis. O'Neill had been in love with the now deceased Colonel for the better part of a decade, and the news - fictional as they had been - broke his heart. _The time-proven combination of pride and love. It killed millions and saved no one, _Golikov thought to himself, recalling the naïveté of his American counterpart.

And now he had one more thing on his mind: One week after Carter's death, Colonel Sheppard touched a strange crystal, infecting himself with an unknown alien entity. The entity killed Dr. Heightmeyer and nearly killed Dr. McKay before it was stopped, but that's when another unbelievable thing happened. Despite her best efforts to cover up what actually happened, Golikov knew from his most reliable sources that Dr. Keller used the defibrillator improperly. Colonel Sheppard was now dying from hyper acute liver failure as a result of her actions.

Golikov didn't mind this. He believed that the less American soldiers there were in the expedition's leadership, the better. Besides, from the Atlantis mission reports, Golikov knew that Sheppard was a bad soldier - who would be in prison had he been a Russian - but Keller's performance gave him cause for concern. _This time, her incompetence caused the death of an American soldier, but it is only a matter of time before it kills a soldier of the Rodina!_

"Proud report: Master, I have completed my task successfully." Golikov looked up from his paperwork, startled by the sudden appearance of his servant. The rubber plates on its metallic feet gave HK-47 the ability to move in complete silence. "Query: Are there any other meatbags that you wish removed from the universe, Master?"

"There is one more target for you in Atlantis," Golikov said as he handed the droid a file with 'top secret' and 'eyes only' seals on it. It didn't take the droid a single minute to read through it. The target didn't have such a distinguished career and the file wasn't even 50 pages long. "You can do whatever you please with this target. I don't care. I just want her gone."

"Confirmation: As you wish, Master." HK didn't obey Golikov's orders just because he was programmed to follow the will of his master. He actually _enjoyed_ working for this man. Golikov had plenty of opponents that needed to be removed. HK always had targets to slaughter, and Golikov's standing order to make the deaths look like anything _but_ a murder gave him some sport – it forced him to think and consider every move on the difficult path towards pleasing his master.

The Russian General once again equipped his servant with the newest computer codes for both Atlantis and the _Daedalus_ and wished him good luck. The droid used his codes to ask the_ Daedalus'_ computer to beam him up to a storage room with equipment for Atlantis, and deleted the record about the use of the transport beam from the system logs. When that was done, HK set himself into sleep mode once more. Three days later, the _Daedalus_ departed for Atlantis with a droid that would activate upon their arrival.

18 days later, a directive in his control cluster woke HK from his slumber. After fully reactivating his systems, the droid connected himself to the astronomy computer and confirmed that it was 1 AM in Atlantis. HK immediately beamed to am uninhabited part of the city where there were no active security cameras.

Now that he was in Atlantis, HK connected himself to the city's security system, setting the security cameras on his way into a continuous loop, tracking and evading the patrols that could see him. He had the assassination planned to look like a suicide, and for that, HK took the biggest syringe he could get in the medical storage room.

After 30 more minutes of playing cat and mouse with the patrols, HK finally arrived at his target's quarters. He loaded his custom-made blaster rifle and opened the door to see two more droids standing at the opposite wall with their backs on him. They were the same shape as him, only their colour was grey instead of rust. HK-47 recognized them as the HK-50 units. "Irritated query: What are you doing here?" The question began to wake Keller up.

"Self-evident answer: We are modifying the halon system of the city to murder all organics inside." The two HK-50s turned around to face their older brother, who aimed his weapon at them.

HK-47 frequently heard from Golikov how much was invested into Atlantis to ensure its operation and knew his master would not be pleased should these droids succeed in their task and take the city for whatever masters they had. "Determined statement: That I can not allow."

"Statement: I do not understand what you wish to gain by fighting us. You have no chance of victory. Recognition: You are obsolete. You kill specific organics and ONLY when permitted to. Proud statement: We need no such orders. We have been programmed without inhibition, without restraint. We kill who we want, when we want. We have destroyed planets, assassinated economies; we have wiped out entire races, ended hostilities. Query: Do you understand what this means?" Keller was now fully awake, watching the exchange between the droids with her mouth hanging open in amazement, unable to say or do anything.

"Answer: Yes. It means that you will _never_ understand. When I kill, when I dispatch a target, it is not about 'wanton slaughter'; about 'bodycount'. It is about finesse, function. Doing more with less. It is 'art'." The three droids in her room talking about killing in such a way made Keller scared beyond description.

"Scoffing statement: Oh yes - 'art'. It is pathetic that you cling to the belief that your function somehow transcends your construction. There is no higher purpose in our behavior core. Only assassination, murder and the propagation of our units. Proclamation: When we dispose of this city, we shall move on! There are organics throughout the universe and we will murder them all! The stars belong to us."

On that moment, Keller made the last mistake in her life: she began screaming like a little girl. The two HK-50 droids turned and fired their weapons, both hitting the head of the young doctor, causing it to explode in a ball of blood, brains and bone. Then they tried to turn again to shoot HK-47, but were not fast enough. Two precise blaster shots later, both HK-50 units were lying on the floor, smoking holes where their control clusters used to be. HK-47 fired more shots into the memory cores of his younger brothers to ensure the complete destruction of evidence. "Mocking evaluation: You were impulsive, crude, unsophisticated, and now you are deceased."

HK-47 retrieved the blaster rifles the HK-50s brought and had the city's internal sensors search for the characteristic signature of the communication transmitters of all HK-series droids. He could find none. With this knowledge, HK quickly ran for the parts of the city, where the internal sensors were not active and had himself beamed back to the _Daedalus_.

* * *

AN: "Rodina" is the Russian word for "Motherland"

All characters belong to MGM/Sci-Fi. The characters of the HK-47 and the HK-50 protocol/assassination droids belong to the fine people at Lucas Arts, Obsidian and Bioware.


	3. Chapter 3

Dr. Keller had expected her lunchtime excursion with Katie Brown to be nothing more than a cordial outing between coworkers. She was delightedly surprised when the red-headed botanist went out of her way to invite the Chief Medical Officer for some sandwiches and tea. It was the first time in the six months she had been in Atlantis that someone had taken the initiative to ask her to join them for a noontime meal. She was finally beginning to settle in to the daily routine, the inhabitants of Atlantis slowly accepting her presence.

She had suspected they might be bitter, considering the fact she 'replaced' Carson; she knew how dearly loved the big-hearted doctor was, but it wasn't _her_ fault she was taking his place! Being invited to tea was the first indication that people were accepting her as the holder of the CMO position. After all, she was the one that cured the city of it's various ailments, ranging from migraines to restless leg syndrome. It was nice to know people had taken the initiative to get to know her better, even if it was over a sandwich and a mere cup of tea. But little did she know that lunchtime with Katie Brown would be the last supper she would ever have.

The botany lab doors slid open to reveal the cordial smile of the red-headed Dr. Katie Brown. "_Jennifer_!" Katie greeted, a hint of surprise in her voice. "You're early".

"Well, better early than late, I suppose," Keller chuckled awkwardly. "I do hope its not - too much of a problem, is it?"

"Oh, no, of course not! Come on in." The dainty woman stepped aside and Dr. Keller was touched by the crisp, circulated air of the botany lab. Eyes wide, Keller stared in wonderment at the wide variety of plants housed in her vicinity. She flinched slightly as her arm brushed up against the leafy tendrils of a plant slightly resembling carnivorous vegetation back on Earth. "None of these will eat me, will they?" she questioned, though she knew her trepidation wasn't warranted.

"Oh, no," Katie gave a small laugh, explaining as she cleared her workplace. She had obviously been in the middle of work when Keller had arrived. "They only appear like their carnivourous relatives to deter predators, much like other species of plants and animals on Earth."

"Ah," Keller confirmed, knowing of such survival mechanisms of animals. She leaned against the wall as Katie finished clearing away her workspace. "Sorry for the mess," Katie apologised as she pulled out a small yet practical table that had been cleared of pots containing various cactus species. "But really, it's fine; I sometimes do need someone to pull me away from my work." She quickly set out colourful napkins, filled two cups of tea, and placed two plates wrapped in plastic. "Have a seat," she motioned to the table, after unwrapping the plates.

Keller nodded and grinned as she sat down, eyeing the sandwich on the paper plate that was spread out before her. It was nothing special - she thought it would look_ somewhat _like it didn't come out of the mess; but she knew her manners. "Thank you once again for inviting me to share this _wonderful_ meal," Keller told Katie as she the opposite seat.

"Oh, it's all I can do to thank you for taking care of Rodney," Katie gave a small giggle.

"He's a tough one, isn't he?" Keller grinned as she uneasily pried the two sandwich loaves open. She wasn't a picky eater, nor was she afflicted with any known allergies; she was simply just curious to know what she was eating.

Her attempts to make her observations inconspicious failed. "Oh, are you allergic to anything? I'm sorry I forgot to ask before I made -"

"Oh, no, no, I'm fine. I just like to know what I'm eating. You know?" Keller reassured Katie as she abashedly pressed the two sandwich pieces together before taking a large bite that was far overdue. Munching the grub a bit apprehensively, her thoughts of an unpleasant meal were chased away as the tasty sensations of the sandwich's contents filled her mouth. Dr. Keller was unsure of what it was - it seemed to be an odd blend that tasted both tangy and sweet. "This is quite good. What' in it?"

Katie's face beamed with a grin, clearly eager to share her secret ingredients to her new friend. Keller leaned in closer to the table as if listening in to a big secret, despite the fact that herself and Dr. Brown were the only two people in the room.

"Well, out of the many exciting plant species we have discovered in Pegasus, I'd say this tops the list," Katie began as she headed towards a table stationed at the rear of the botany lab, mostly holding plants that resembled cacti. She shuffled pots of various sizes, all containing plants looking more or less the same to Dr. Keller - until she found the prize she was hunting for. With an ever-growing grin plasted across her face, she pranced back to Keller enthusiastically, placing the special pot on the table. "The _Rodniana vilosa._"

Keller gazed at the tall, phallic-looking cactus, made distinctive the the long, feathery fronds that erected from it. Like all other cacti, rigid spikes jutted out all across the cactus' olive-green length. "Ah" - a terse yet fitting observation, given she did not know what to be so excited about. Looking back up at a giddy Katie Brown, Keller wondered if the botanist was bordering on lunacy. "What does it do?" she asked reluctantly - as if _she_ was supposed to know!

"Our team found it about two months ago on this planet's mainland. Lucky for us, Teyla Emmagan already knew plenty about it." Now a bit more curious, Keller held her sandwich in midair as Katie sat down and continued to explain, all the while eyeing her beloved cactus. "The Athosians have traded for them with other worlds on several occaisions. It's primary usage is as a food source, from its fronds, though the inner part of the plant are often served as well." Katie took a moment to gently run her hands up and down the feathery shoots. "It's kind of a delicacy, as they are only found in the warmer, drier climates."

Keller reached out with a single finger to touch the _Rodniana vilosa_, only to be stopped by Katie. "Be careful - the spines are sharp."

Content with just looking, Keller rest her hands on her lap. "Is that why you named it after Rodney?"

Katie giggled. "No - though I suppose one could suspect that!" Keller chuckled; she liked Rodney a lot, despite all of his quirks, and would have definately asked Atlantis' lead scientist on a date if he wasn't dating Katie. Keller honestly wondered just how Katie and Rodney could be a couple, as they were so _different - _but Keller shrugged it off, as there would probably be other people to date in Atlantis, though the still had a special liking towards the Canadian astrophysicist.

The rest of their lunchtime was rather nondescript: Dr. Keller enjoyed two _Rodniana vilosa _sandwiches while she and Katie praddled on about a variety of subjects. Keller was thankful Dr. Brown was wiling to discuss something other than plants; Keller could have killed herself right then if she was to spend lunch debating which genus a recently discovered flower would fall into. Rather, the two women discussed such things about the other inhabitants of Atlantis, growing up, memories, and favourite movies. Jennifer became aware of a small migrane developing, but she shrugged off Katie's concern as she didn't want to ruin her lunch.

After letting her stomach rest while chatting with Katie for two hours, the migrane continued to persist. Jennifer reached for a third _Rodniana vilosa _sandwich across the table, to feel a sharp pain grasping her abdomen and a strong wave of dizziness coming over her as she held her stomach tightly.

"Jennifer, I think you -"

"I'm fine," Keller reassured Katie. "I always get small headaches since I was a young child; It goes away after awhile." Jennifer proceeded to bite into the third sandwich. Katie's eyes continued to radiate concern as she watched Jennifer bite into her lunch, occaisionally wincing and clutching her stomach and forehead from the sharp pangs continously struck from her body.

"What?" Jennifer looked up at Katie.

Katie stood up, nearly jumping from her seat and gently grabbing Keller's arm. "Jennifer, you're experiencing a severe allergic reaction. I think we should go to the infirmary, _now_."

Keller moved her arm from Katie, and began to stand. "I said I'm -" Jennifer's words wheezed as a rush of confusion assaulted her, and clutching her stomach in agony, fell to the floor.

"Jennifer!" Katie lowered Keller down to the floor before tapping on her headset radio. "This is Dr. Brown, I need an emergency medical team to my lab ASAP." She turned back to Jennifer, eyes wide in fear and breathing irregularly. "It's alright, a medical team is on it's way".

Jennifer slowly nodded, though she couldn't escape the overwhelming feeling of panic as she felt her heart beat in her throat and her breathing became laboured. The ceiling, Katie's face, and everything in her vision began to fade into a nondistinct blur. Her chest tightening and throat swelling up, panic rose as she struggled to scream, but couldn't. She began to convulse violently as the medical team burst into the lab, though she was unaware as she quickly lost conciousness.

Rodney McKay appeared, rushing to Katie's side as the medics began to attempt to stabilize Keller. Sheppard hovered at the edge of the botany lab doorway, watching the medics anxiously.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Rodney quickly asked Katie, though she didn't answer but watched the medical team work on Jennifer. A worried Rodney also turned to watch with horror coming over his face as they began to perform CPR on the unconcious doctor, pulling out the defribillators and shouting "Clear" every once in while that seemed like a lifetime. Finally, the doctor's efforts ceased as Sheppard made eye contact with Rodney, shaking his head slowly and confirming their worst fears.

* * *

"It was an acute allergic reaction from the indigenous plant she ate," Dr. Biro confirmed as she emerged from the autopsy lab, still carrying a scalpel in her hand. "It began as mild inflammation, but the last sandwich she ate caused her to go into anaphylactic shock."

"Wait a second," Rodney interjected. "Katie told me she had a sandwich two hours before. Then why didn't she go into shock the first time?"

"Antigens," Dr. Biro nodded with a rather sanguine grin on her face. "It was her first exposure. Now, usually sensitization to the allergen takes more than a few hours between the first use. But the _Rodniana vilosa _seems to cause a rapid reaction. We're still looking into it."

Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay nodded and left for Elizabeth's office. "A _Rodniana vilosa_," Sheppard muttered grimly. "Who would've ever suspected something named after you could be so deadly."

* * *

**Author's note:** I tried to get the medical information as accurate as possible, but I'm not a doctor. .


End file.
